She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
