the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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