well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
