white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
