she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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