I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
