and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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