So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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