Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
