At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
