I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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