So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
