I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
