We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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