thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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