Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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