just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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