hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
