some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
