I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
