i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
