hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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