captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
