I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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