What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
