ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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