I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
