we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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