Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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