dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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