My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
