I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
