whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
