I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
