I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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