It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
