living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
