and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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