I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
