Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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