p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
