i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
