She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
