ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she told me i tasted like america
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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