I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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