Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My vagina is officially offended.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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