how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
