Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
