This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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