i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
