There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
