I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
