Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
