dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
