omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I pour the whiskey from now on
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
