you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
